Damsel Deception

Time to talk about my favorite topic and the one that gives me the most headaches too… l’amour!

I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching as a twentysomething who’s went over 3 years without being taken out and over 5 without a kiss or having my hand held.  I’ve told myself that it’s just not my time yet, and maybe it still isn’t, but I’m questioning my behaviour and expectations where men are concerned.  Because every guy I’ve asked for advice on the topic of breaking free of the perennial friendzone with any and all guys I’ve ever fancied have advised me to do things that I found shocking, like my brain couldn’t even handle it.

No, it’s nothing too scandalous! Just they suggested I take his hand or ask him to coffee or in some way or other make my interest known and take the first step out of the friend bubble where I’ve comfortably, though not always happily, lived for over twenty years.  These notions of me holding his hand (I still can’t mentally handle that one) or asking him to coffee (might as well just ask him to marry me! it’s so not my place) are pretty revolutionary.  I’m not joking when I say that the idea of taking the boy I like’s hand is just incomprehensible for me, to be Basic, I literally can’t even.

But is it fair? Are the expectations I’ve had since I first entered the sphere of dating and crushing (so basically puberty and before) all wrong? I mean, I always thought it was the guy’s job to express interest, initiate the dating, do the asking on dates, etc.  And my job, as a female, was to be the responder to these advance, I was to smile and pay him particular attention in conversation and he was supposed to know that meant I liked him enough for us to date, then asking me out, then if it lasts a proposal and sailing off into the sunset for happily ever after…

But I don’t know anymore, maybe that’s been a bit unfair, putting all the risk on the poor boys’ shoulders while I sit here in the middle of the forest waiting for my Prince Phillip, Robin Hood, Westley, Flynn Rider, (insert male romantic lead who meets his true love in a woodland or remotely rustic setting’s name here).

I mean I don’t know, I don’t speak guy, but all the guys I know are like go and do something, don’t just sit pining and giving yourself a headache.  But do guys really like a girl who’s putting herself forward like that? I thought pursuing was their middle name and their main job description or has that just been a lie handed to me all my life by fairy-tales and church matrons?