Insight on Extroversion: When Tigger loses his bounce

Okay, the general consensus on extroverts is that we’re all bouncy bouncy fun fun fun 100% of the time.  This is false.  We can have black moods, very black ones.  And usually brought on for the same reason that Tigger the super extroverted Tiger of Pooh fame lost his bounce for a while.  Because we feel people don’t like us as we are, and as extroverts, not to say introverts don’t like being liked, but our happiness hinges on having others being happy around us.  We love hogging the show and stealing the spotlight but most of us really just want everyone around us to be having a grand time and to love us as much as we love them and love ourselves.  But when we feel they don’t love us as much as we love them, loving ourselves becomes harder which means being ourselves becomes harder.  Because we’re not sure if people actually like having a walking talking bouncehouse bounding alongside them, and that maybe we’re supposed to tone it down so more people will like us.  Everyone wants to be loved, but extroverts especially, we have to know that we’re wanted, that we’d be missed, or otherwise it’s all doom and gloom and we change from Tigger into Eyeore trying to put on a brave face for the world, and pretending to be bouncy fun fun fun when we really feel glum.  Or sometimes much deeper than just glum.  We wonder if the world would miss us?  If anyone actually cares?  Yes.  Extroverts can get depressed, can have suicidal thoughts, and don’t for a minute think that because they’re good at pouring out love means that we don’t need to be poured into too!

Advertisements

Wibbly-Wobbly Personality

People tend to think that personality is a strict progression of introvert to extrovert but actually from a non-linear, non-subjective, point of view, it’s more like a big ball of peopley-weepily humany-womaney stuff.

Okay, my Whovian is showing.  But it’s true.  I’m typically labeled an extrovert, I talk a lot, love talking and getting to know people, don’t mind being the center of attention.  But on the other hand I love having enough alone time to write stories and read books and just sit out under a tree somewhere.  And I hate being the first one to talk and don’t know how to take compliments, and can feel awkward in a crowd.   It’s a mix, I think everyone is.  I know I am.  It varies on mood, on what I’m doing, on who I’m with.  I’m content sitting by myself in my house doing nothing but killing time on the computer or journaling, but I love having people over and would be happy to have people in my house all the time.  But on the other hand my biggest bouts with depression and the times I’ve collapsed in tears in my bathtub have been times after I’ve hung out with people.  Usually crowds.  I feel so inadequate after being with people.  I feel insignificant.  Feel that people don’t care and only want to be around me because they pity me or because they know I’m always down to hang out.  Because I’m the amusing overgrown clumsy and awkward puppy of the friend group.

It’s difficult, especially when you’re so used to being social butterfly extrovert that you’re not sure if anyone is ready for your introverted side that wants to talk deep things.  So you just stuff it away, put on the perky face, throw enough sass out there to ward anyone from getting within an hundred leagues of the introvert side that just confuses people and you stay super bouncy all the time and no one takes you seriously and you get used to it.  But you always kinda wish someone would take the time to sit down with you and get to know you properly.  But they don’t, because you’re the weird ambivert who only shows the extrovert side and isn’t even sure if they know how to relate on a deep level with anyone but the absolute closest of people, we’re talking parents and maybe one other person kind of close.

As an extremely extroverted ambivert you end up saying everything while simultaneously saying nothing.  Talking air is a talent, and a curse.  You want to sit and read poetry and discuss it’s meaning but you also want to get up and dance the night away.

I’m not even sure I know how to talk deep with anyone but my dad and maybe my best gal friend.  I used to have a guy friend I thought I was close with, but it would seem the world has turned and they’ve moved on.  And I don’t feel hurt or betrayed, that’s one of the things of being both, you have the extroversion to make moving on easy, always new people, and the insight to see that what they did was not meant as anything against you and was just life, and how things go.  Perspective and perkiness, one of the perks to being on the fence with your personality type.

So for all you out there who think you have a friend who’s all introvert or all extrovert, think again.  Go get to know them, sit and talk with them, ask them about their books, and hang around long enough for them to show the other side.  To let down the guard and stop acting up their stronghand (whichever personality side tends to dominate) and let you get to know the side they don’t show.  Do that.  Do the people you think you’ve got pegged personality-wise a favor and get to know all of them.

Wibbly-Wobbly Personality

People tend to think that personality is a strict progression of introvert to extrovert but actually from a non-linear, non-subjective, point of view, it’s more like a big ball of peopley-weepily humany-womaney stuff.

Okay, my Whovian is showing.  But it’s true.  I’m typically labeled an extrovert, I talk a lot, love talking and getting to know people, don’t mind being the center of attention.  But on the other hand I love having enough alone time to write stories and read books and just sit out under a tree somewhere.  And I hate being the first one to talk and don’t know how to take compliments, and can feel awkward in a crowd.   It’s a mix, I think everyone is.  I know I am.  It varies on mood, on what I’m doing, on who I’m with.  I’m content sitting by myself in my house doing nothing but killing time on the computer or journaling, but I love having people over and would be happy to have people in my house all the time.  But on the other hand my biggest bouts with depression and the times I’ve collapsed in tears in my bathtub have been times after I’ve hung out with people.  Usually crowds.  I feel so inadequate after being with people.  I feel insignificant.  Feel that people don’t care and only want to be around me because they pity me or because they know I’m always down to hang out.  Because I’m the amusing overgrown clumsy and awkward puppy of the friend group.

It’s difficult, especially when you’re so used to being social butterfly extrovert that you’re not sure if anyone is ready for your introverted side that wants to talk deep things.  So you just stuff it away, put on the perky face, throw enough sass out there to ward anyone from getting within an hundred leagues of the introvert side that just confuses people and you stay super bouncy all the time and no one takes you seriously and you get used to it.  But you always kinda wish someone would take the time to sit down with you and get to know you properly.  But they don’t, because you’re the weird ambivert who only shows the extrovert side and isn’t even sure if they know how to relate on a deep level with anyone but the absolute closest of people, we’re talking parents and maybe one other person kind of close.

As an extremely extroverted ambivert you end up saying everything while simultaneously saying nothing.  Talking air is a talent, and a curse.  You want to sit and read poetry and discuss it’s meaning but you also want to get up and dance the night away.

I’m not even sure I know how to talk deep with anyone but my dad and maybe my best gal friend.  I used to have a guy friend I thought I was close with, but it would seem the world has turned and they’ve moved on.  And I don’t feel hurt or betrayed, that’s one of the things of being both, you have the extroversion to make moving on easy, always new people, and the insight to see that what they did was not meant as anything against you and was just life, and how things go.  Perspective and perkiness, one of the perks to being on the fence with your personality type.

So for all you out there who think you have a friend who’s all introvert or all extrovert, think again.  Go get to know them, sit and talk with them, ask them about their books, and hang around long enough for them to show the other side.  To let down the guard and stop acting up their stronghand (whichever personality side tends to dominate) and let you get to know the side they don’t show.  Do that.  Do the people you think you’ve got pegged personality-wise a favor and get to know all of them.