The Secret to Winning a Woman’s Heart

So gents, this is the grand moment you’ve been waiting for ever since you had your first playground crush.  The world changing secret to winning the heart of a woman and the key is *cue drumroll* … SPEND TIME WITH HER! Get to know her as a person.  Listen to what she has to say and remember at least a little bit of it.  DO NOT blow her off because you’re too busy checking her out.  Nothing will shut down your chances with an actual lady quicker than ignoring who we are for what we look like.  And nothing will raise your chances of finding a way into our hearts better than spending time with us and getting to know us as people.  Spontaneous “wanna go to the park” things are something I’m personally a sucker for, but get to know the girl you’ve got your eye on and it really isn’t that hard to figure out what she’d like whether it’s a hike or a cup of coffee at a trendy coffeehouse.

It’s seriously not that hard.

And if you find yourself stuck in the “friendzone” ask yourself a couple questions.

  1.  Have I given this enough time? You can’t plead the “friendzone card” after only knowing a girl for six weeks, if stuck is somewhere you feel with the person after six months, that’s a little more acceptable.  Some girls don’t open up as quickly as others or figure out just how we feel like other girls.  One size does not fit all.
  2. Can I be satisfied with just friendship with this girl?  (if you think you’re just going to miserably pine every time you see her and your feelings will ruin the friendship the answer is no.  And you should probably try to distance yourself.

Bear in mind no one is obliged to return your affections, whether genuine or shallow.  And to add to that, that does not mean that girls don’t understand rejection.  Trust me, we do, we still think about the time that the boy we liked in middle school (I could name him) rejected our feelings and refused to talk to us on the playground afterwords.  So keep previous damage in mind.  And further, we are not all heartless bitches who delight in breaking boys’ hearts, maybe some, but not all of us, so try not to judge us by the standard of those that came before, or worse, those that your friends have had to deal with.  (Believe me, if I judged men by the example of those my friends dated, I wouldn’t speak to boys to save my life!)

So basically, invest in a girl and get to know her.  Evaluate how friendzoned is friendzone.  And don’t judge a girl on previous experiences or the experiences of your friends.

Happy Wooing!

Damsel Deception

Time to talk about my favorite topic and the one that gives me the most headaches too… l’amour!

I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching as a twentysomething who’s went over 3 years without being taken out and over 5 without a kiss or having my hand held.  I’ve told myself that it’s just not my time yet, and maybe it still isn’t, but I’m questioning my behaviour and expectations where men are concerned.  Because every guy I’ve asked for advice on the topic of breaking free of the perennial friendzone with any and all guys I’ve ever fancied have advised me to do things that I found shocking, like my brain couldn’t even handle it.

No, it’s nothing too scandalous! Just they suggested I take his hand or ask him to coffee or in some way or other make my interest known and take the first step out of the friend bubble where I’ve comfortably, though not always happily, lived for over twenty years.  These notions of me holding his hand (I still can’t mentally handle that one) or asking him to coffee (might as well just ask him to marry me! it’s so not my place) are pretty revolutionary.  I’m not joking when I say that the idea of taking the boy I like’s hand is just incomprehensible for me, to be Basic, I literally can’t even.

But is it fair? Are the expectations I’ve had since I first entered the sphere of dating and crushing (so basically puberty and before) all wrong? I mean, I always thought it was the guy’s job to express interest, initiate the dating, do the asking on dates, etc.  And my job, as a female, was to be the responder to these advance, I was to smile and pay him particular attention in conversation and he was supposed to know that meant I liked him enough for us to date, then asking me out, then if it lasts a proposal and sailing off into the sunset for happily ever after…

But I don’t know anymore, maybe that’s been a bit unfair, putting all the risk on the poor boys’ shoulders while I sit here in the middle of the forest waiting for my Prince Phillip, Robin Hood, Westley, Flynn Rider, (insert male romantic lead who meets his true love in a woodland or remotely rustic setting’s name here).

I mean I don’t know, I don’t speak guy, but all the guys I know are like go and do something, don’t just sit pining and giving yourself a headache.  But do guys really like a girl who’s putting herself forward like that? I thought pursuing was their middle name and their main job description or has that just been a lie handed to me all my life by fairy-tales and church matrons?