Sadder than the Winter Soldier’s story.

The fandom life is one of feelings and heated debates over motives and the future of fictional characters that you’ve found yourself emotionally involved with.  Which to a person who doesn’t “feel the feels” seems completely mental.  I mean Bucky Barnes is not real! and why are you crying over Rue, she’s a fictional girl in a book? and what was that inhuman squeal I just heard?

But why are we so connected up with characters we read or see on screen? what makes us just latch on and want to hug that character with all our hearts?

Here’s my notion on the emotions over fictional characters.  It’s because they’ve let us get to know them.  Obviously they didn’t consent, the writers wrote them, they haven’t sat down to coffee with us though we’ve sat down to coffee with them as we read Lord of the Rings in our local coffee hangout.  But the character’s souls have been bared to us in a way few of our living breathing fellow human beings in actual reality would ever let us get to know them.

Our society is one of shallow friendships and fleeting relationships and here are these people, made real to us by our sight and imagination, and they’re vulnerable enough to allow us to empathize with their woes.  The people we actually know won’t let us get to know them so we go and fill the void with fictitious personages to ease that need to be trusted by others.

If people spent more time and weren’t so defensive and allowed others to get to know them and visa versa then maybe, for all it’s glory, the fandom life would not be so vital to us.  But with people always holding us at arms length those of us who feel keenly the need to let in on what makes others tick find our solace in the pages of books and the films of the fandom variety.

There’s a sad want for true connection between living breathing human beings and so the fandom lifestyle has grown in accordance.  It would be nice, as much as I love the fandom life, to see it’s prominence diminish in favor of actual people letting each other in and bearing each other’s burdens like the fangirls are burdened with our glorious feels!

 

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The Secret to Winning a Woman’s Heart

So gents, this is the grand moment you’ve been waiting for ever since you had your first playground crush.  The world changing secret to winning the heart of a woman and the key is *cue drumroll* … SPEND TIME WITH HER! Get to know her as a person.  Listen to what she has to say and remember at least a little bit of it.  DO NOT blow her off because you’re too busy checking her out.  Nothing will shut down your chances with an actual lady quicker than ignoring who we are for what we look like.  And nothing will raise your chances of finding a way into our hearts better than spending time with us and getting to know us as people.  Spontaneous “wanna go to the park” things are something I’m personally a sucker for, but get to know the girl you’ve got your eye on and it really isn’t that hard to figure out what she’d like whether it’s a hike or a cup of coffee at a trendy coffeehouse.

It’s seriously not that hard.

And if you find yourself stuck in the “friendzone” ask yourself a couple questions.

  1.  Have I given this enough time? You can’t plead the “friendzone card” after only knowing a girl for six weeks, if stuck is somewhere you feel with the person after six months, that’s a little more acceptable.  Some girls don’t open up as quickly as others or figure out just how we feel like other girls.  One size does not fit all.
  2. Can I be satisfied with just friendship with this girl?  (if you think you’re just going to miserably pine every time you see her and your feelings will ruin the friendship the answer is no.  And you should probably try to distance yourself.

Bear in mind no one is obliged to return your affections, whether genuine or shallow.  And to add to that, that does not mean that girls don’t understand rejection.  Trust me, we do, we still think about the time that the boy we liked in middle school (I could name him) rejected our feelings and refused to talk to us on the playground afterwords.  So keep previous damage in mind.  And further, we are not all heartless bitches who delight in breaking boys’ hearts, maybe some, but not all of us, so try not to judge us by the standard of those that came before, or worse, those that your friends have had to deal with.  (Believe me, if I judged men by the example of those my friends dated, I wouldn’t speak to boys to save my life!)

So basically, invest in a girl and get to know her.  Evaluate how friendzoned is friendzone.  And don’t judge a girl on previous experiences or the experiences of your friends.

Happy Wooing!

Oh Doctor! My Doctor!

As the ninth series of Doctor Who came to a close this Christmas with the Christmas Special I was struck by how much Capaldi has come to mean to me as my Doctor.  Does this mean that I’ve stopped picturing the 10th coming to my door in the middle of a rainy night in the TARDIS to take me away on fabulous adventures in space and time? No.  It just means that I can also occasionally picture 12 doing the same.  Not something I ever expected to see happen.  So while 10 will always be my Doctor, because he was my first, and because well, David Tennant is the most perfect looking man on this whole earth, I’ve also found room in my heart for a second favourite, just slightly below his majesty David Great-Hair!

And the best thing about 12 is that you love him because you know you do.  Not like 10 or 11 where you love them but hey, they’re really attractive too! 12’s appeal comes from his attitude, his outrageous sass and not giving a damn but on the other hand caring so much that you can see he’s in physical pain.  The moralizing and philosophical Doctor.  But also the hothead.

That’s what I love about him, is he’s such an odd mixture of opposites. He’s the grumpy old man, but also the scared schoolboy, hesitant and unsure of himself for most of his first season.  And he’s the ancient, the forgiver of unimaginable wrongs, but also the man with all the patience of a toddler.  He’s the philosopher and the angst-ridden teenager all at once.  And what I love most is he’s very much me.  He has a short fuse and little patience but for those he loves he’s quick to forgive and eager to help, and would do anything for them.  His loyalty to Clara knows no bounds, it exceeds his love of his own people and planet.  He cares so much. He also has finally reached the point in his life (the Doctor as a whole, not just 12) where he doesn’t give a flying leap what others think, he’s not only “not your boyfriend” but he’s also not caring what you think of him.  Just look at his outfit, it’s so much more conservative than the suit and Chucks of 10 or the overthetop bowtie wearing, fez topped absurdity that 11’s outfit got into.  Twelve dresses in what he likes best, even if it is a dressy semi-formal jacket with a hoodie underneath and a checkered pair of pants, but despite the hodgepodge of what goes into his outfit, it’s still conservative and not ostentatious in the least (except maybe the red lining in the jacket, but hey, gotta have a little flair!)

In summary, I’m in love with the Twelfth Doctor and have no shame about this! And this last season exceeded all expectations, blew my mind, and made me feel feelings more than I’ve ever felt before (well, except Doomsday, nothing hurts worse than Doomsday!) and not all sad, some of them were those beautiful and sad feelings like what Ashildr talks about.  Where it’s both.  Which I loved how that nodded back to Sally Sparrow and her “Sad is happy to deep people” line to her best friend.  Anyways, if you haven’t seen Series Nine yet, do it! 12 is on his feet and dashing all apprehensions you may have had about him (though how you could I don’t understand… he discusses the colors of his kidneys and calls a Dinosaur a “big sexy woman”! He’s brilliant, not to mention dueling Robin Hood with a spoon!)