The Measure of a Man

So it’s been a while since I posted something on here but this has become a constant refrain between me and my best buddy. The Squirrel to my Moose to reference Supernatural.

Why don’t the men of the 21st century seem to have a clue about how to be gentlemen? We’re not just talking manners. Her and I are blessed to live in the South where ma’am is heard on the daily and doors are opened. We’re talking the deeper meaning of gentleman. A man that is manly enough to protect and take initiative and lead. Who is also capable of compassion and kindness and making you feel loved. Like it’s not that hard. I mean she doesn’t expect her guy to look just like Steve Rogers… Just to act like him. And I’m not looking for all the hunkiness of Bucky Barnes. Just someone with that 40s charm who cam take the lead rather than leaving a girl lost in limbo.

Because there’s been two types me and my Squirrel have encountered. The sleep around jerks who think that being manly is a matter of how many women they’ve had sex with. Guys who don’t actually respect women at all much less themselves. Sure they drive pickups and say ma’am but John Wayne would probably spit in their eye if he was alive. And then you’ve got the metro male. Like he’s all hip with his Starbucks and skinny jeans and progressive ideas. Ideas that mean it’s the girls job to do everything now. The asking out the leading of the relationship. And largely they’re in it just for the sex just like their more redneck counterparts but for all their culture Cary Grant would probably vomit a little if he had to shake hands with one.

There is a third group. A severe minority in the modern world. The guy who understands God’s plan for sex. So he’s not out trying to seduce or get seduced. This thin line in the pie chart of Christian males is the pool myself, my friend, and other girls like us have to choose from. And while we’re not asking for perfect. It’s a common refrain all through college of why don’t the good guys ask us out? Even my favorite campus minister, a dude, was baffled by why so many of the young dudes in college ministry couldn’t seen to ask girls out and were kinda meek about dating. Now I’m not saying it’s their job to like me. But like someone. I mean one of my best friends is practically an actual Disney princess and she had the same feelings at times. We’d get dinner together and talk about how weird it was that no one seemed interested in dating. There were guys already in relationships and guys who seemed to not care about them. It was not what I expected romance to be like. I was expecting cute 50s movie guy meets girl, they flirt, small impediments are overcome and happy ending. Modern romance is strange.

A side note here. I believe the movement in the Christian culture that said you can’t date someone unless you know you want to marry them already put WAY too much pressure on everyone. There’s nothing wrong with grabbing coffee or movies and dinner together or heaven forbid a picnic! How else are you supposed to get to know each other? And if you can’t call that dating for fear of the angry Joshua Harris showing up on your doorstep and pronouncing you a shameless heathen then girls are left in the dark wondering. Does he like me? Or are we just friends who hang out a lot?

Okay back to the boys. We need a rennaisamce of good ole fashioned Rifleman masculinity. I’m not talking lip service about chivalry while the guy still hides behind his mother’s skirts and forgets that the umbilical cord was supposed to be cut 20 or so years before. Words don’t mean anything. I’m talking that kind of man who will be there for anyone in need with an open heart and actions to back it up but also be there to land a punch on some back alley jerk harassing someone (yes I’m thinking of Bucky again) Someone who lives boldly and with confidence. A David. David was not fretting over if he might offend the neighbors. He did as the Lord commanded and kicked major butt. But he also wrote poetry. He also killed a dude and stole his wife so I’m not saying you won’t make mistakes. ūüėā And guys I know it’s hard. The world of women is full of raging feminists and baracudas out for sex just like the world of men is for us girls. Just don’t let society tell you how to date. Whether that’s the progressive 21st century culture saying sex for everyone or the Christian culture saying you can’t ask a girl out until you’re certain you’re gonna marry her. Just do what’s right in God’s sight and the details don’t matter. And God never said you have to date like this is the 5th century B.C. still. If it is… where the heck is my camel? ūüėā

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Sadder than the Winter Soldier’s story.

The fandom life is one of feelings and heated debates over motives and the future of fictional characters that you’ve found yourself emotionally involved with. ¬†Which to a person who doesn’t “feel the feels” seems completely mental. ¬†I mean Bucky Barnes is not real! and why are you crying over Rue, she’s a fictional girl in a book? and what was that inhuman squeal I just heard?

But why are we so connected up with characters we read or see on screen? what makes us just latch on and want to hug that character with all our hearts?

Here’s my notion on the emotions over fictional characters. ¬†It’s because they’ve let us get to know them. ¬†Obviously they didn’t consent, the writers wrote them, they haven’t sat down to coffee with us though we’ve sat down to coffee with them as we read Lord of the Rings in our local coffee hangout. ¬†But the character’s souls have been bared to us in a way few of our living breathing fellow human beings in actual reality would ever let us get to know them.

Our society is one of shallow friendships and fleeting relationships and here are these people, made real to us by our sight and imagination, and they’re vulnerable enough to allow us to empathize with their woes. ¬†The people we actually know won’t let us get to know them so we go and fill the void with fictitious personages to ease that need to be trusted by others.

If people spent more time and weren’t so defensive and allowed others to get to know them and visa versa then maybe, for all it’s glory, the fandom life would not be so vital to us. ¬†But with people always holding us at arms length those of us who feel keenly the need to let in on what makes others tick find our solace in the pages of books and the films of the fandom variety.

There’s a sad want for true connection between living breathing human beings and so the fandom lifestyle has grown in accordance. ¬†It would be nice, as much as I love the fandom life, to see it’s prominence diminish in favor of actual people letting each other in and bearing each other’s burdens like the fangirls are burdened with our glorious feels!

 

Keep Cap Straight

Call me old fashioned, but so is Steve Rogers, and the idea that people want his character to be made homosexual proves their ignorance and lack of respect for the character that the world has come to know and love for three quarters of a century. ¬†I understand that they want representation, and while I don’t agree with the lifestyle they want represented I do see why they would want it, but can we leave Steve Rogers alone? ¬†Seriously.

Nowhere in his canon that spans longer than the lives of most people still living is there anything besides him being interested in women. ¬†Even in the movies he’s been straight, old fashioned and highly moral. ¬†In all of his stand-alone movies his love interest is female. ¬†He has been established both in comics and in the MCU as a heterosexual male, who has a thing for Carter girls. haha. ¬†But honestly, it would be such a cheap publicity shot to throw gay on Captain America that anyone with the aesthetic of a boar would be outraged by it. ¬†Have a gay superhero if you must, but don’t do it to one of the oldest heroes in all of comic book existence! It doesn’t fit his character as it has been established and it does nothing for the story.

Futhermore, beyond the aesthetic, the tradition and the moral, there is the fact that if the hashtagging imbeciles of social media had their way they would be denigrating one of the most poignant and beautiful friendships in fiction to a simple carnal instinct with some gay romance thrown on top. ¬†Because it truly seems that no one these days is capable of appreciating a true platonic friendship, regardless of gender or sexuality, without wanting to heap on the sexual tension and making an outcry about sexual subplots. ¬†Come on folks, why can’t we leave pure friendship as simply pure friendship.

Were my best friend and I fictional characters in a popular series, or famous in any way there would be reems of fanfiction and theories about us having a sexual subplot because hey, we’re two people who care for each other very much and that must mean we’re secretly desiring to be lovers… I don’t think so. ¬†For one, the Bucky to my Steve is happily married to a man and straight, and two I’m also very much a heterosexual female, but good luck trying to convince the addled adolescents of the internet that if we were characters in a book, movie, or show. ¬† I understand deep friendship like Steve and Bucky, which is why I cherish their character’s untainted loyalty to each other, because it’s how my best friend and I am. ¬†Like I said, she is the Bucky to my Steve, after much deliberation we honed down our fictional counterparts to those two because that sums us up so well. She is the one I look up to but I get surprised when I find she looks up to me too, she’s the one that is upstanding I’m the one that borders on priggish and while I have the outgoing brash personality of Bucky and she’s a little more of a quiet Steve, the comparison still stands for us, and for our level of closeness. And ¬†I would hate to see an exemplary friendship sullied with unnecessary sexual overtones. ¬†And that goes for any friendship, regardless of sexuality or gender involved. ¬†And that is exactly what would happen if Steve and Bucky were to be made gay.

So Captain America does NOT need a boyfriend. ¬†Honestly no character ever except maybe Bella Swan whose personality was as exciting as overcooked oatmeal, or some harlequin heroine, ever needed a love interest. ¬†Let characters be themselves and don’t seek to alter their canon existence to fit agendas or fill a hole. ¬†They’re fine the way they are, we love them the way they are. ¬†Steve Rogers has been a beloved hero for seventy-five years, leave the old man alone. ¬†Go find someone with less history and more character traits that would make a different sexuality more plausible rather than just latching onto the biggest name in Marvel just to have someone to carry the rainbow banner. ¬†It’s not his character, it never has been, and it never should be. ¬†Leave a good thing as it is. ¬†That is all.

And seriously y’all, let friends be friends without insisting on sexual tension.

 

 

How Feminism has ruined my life

Before you jump to the conclusion that this is just me whining on my side to balance out the irate complaints of feminists, when I say the movement has ruined my life, I mean it’s ruined every woman who is aware enough to realize it’s life.¬†My grievances against the movement are not just confined to myself. ¬†If they were, it wouldn’t be the movement’s fault more than likely, just my own hypersensitivity and desire for victimhood.

To begin with, feminism has ruined the lives of women in the west (while doing little for women with no such opportunities to fight for their own freedom in other countries, but that’s not the topic at hand here) by forcing the idea on women that to want a man is bad. ¬†That to want fidelity and a stable committed relationship is selling out cheap. ¬†That to want to be a home maker with a bread winner husband is enforcing misogynistic ideas and patriarchy. ¬†Never mind the fact it worked for THOUSANDS OF YEARS leave it to the late second wave and the third wave of feminists to throw all that out. ¬†Experience means nothing to vapid man-hating feminists of the 21st century.

Another complaint is that feminism has muddied the waters when it comes to gender relations that it has driven singles with traditional values looking for lifetime mates into the closet. ¬†One is made to feel less than human by their brainwashed peers because they haven’t had sex despite being in their twenties and the prime of life. ¬†I’m sorry that I believe it is a sacred act both in the state God created it and in a state of nature with natural law. ¬†It is proven that people who save themselves for their lifetime partner have better lives both in and outside of the bedroom. ¬†The persistence that “rape culture” exists in the West has demasculated men to the point that they dare not say boo to a goose, much less hi to a girl. ¬†Women have been fed the line that they can live hedonistic self serving lives and never reap any of the consequences of promiscuity. Traditional men and women are left trying to find their like minded counterparts while trying to be silent about how they really feel about gender relations, because men will be attacked by angry feminazis claiming his desire to have a wife and children enforce the patriarchy that oppresses these women who are free to pursue whatever careers they like and dress however they please despite the disgust or lust it might elicit in those around them. ¬†And on the other side a woman with a desire for a classic lifestyle from the era before feminism is despised by her feminist acquaintances and thought of as prey and conquest to those metrosexual males who are living the lifestyle that feeds the promiscuity endorsed by feminism despite the fact that these men are the biggest haters of women, considering as they only see them as ways to fulfill basic animal desires while nice guys are marginalized and made fun of for their antiquated ways at the very least.

This next grievance is not a personal one but one I have seen affect people I know personally.  That is the persistence on post-consent morning after decision changes ruining the credibility of actual rape victims.  The rape culture adherents apply the word so liberally that they are the proverbial boy crying wolf.  The more they put the word to things so much as an offensive comment or a catcall the less people listen to the actual victims who despite being brave enough to go public after a violent and traumatizing encounter that violates every part of a woman and leaves scars for life are ignored because the over reactive nonsensical social justice warriors have so warped the view of this heinous act.

Feminism has also ruined my life by telling me that desiring a simple traditional life is inadequate, that I’m “part of the problem” because I don’t want to set men on fire and become the next Beyonce, Hillary Clinton or Cher. Because for some inane reason my life must meet this ever changing and increasingly absurd criteria in order for my voice to be relevant. ¬†For some reason it is now incumbent upon me to explain why I haven’t finished my degree yet, or why I’m not shacking up with some handsome man or out carousing downtown when in the time my parents were growing up there were no such expectations on a person’s life, particularly a woman’s. ¬†The expectation that might have been there was why at the prime of my life I wasn’t wed and enjoying life with a husband, but who knows, back then I might have been able to find a man who hasn’t had his masculinity stripped by growing up in a culture where the entertainment industry has drug the glory of his gender into the dirt and given him two choices; to be the butt of the joke (Ray Ramano’s character in Raymond) or to be the player (Charlie Sheen’s character in Two and a Half Men) ¬†the examples of strong men who knew how to lead are gone from entertainment. ¬†Unless these men as boys were exposed to the likes of John Wayne’s characters and other classic male leads in films, their entertainment has fed them the idea that men are useless pushovers or that they need to have a new fling each week. ¬†Rare characters like Captain America are downplayed by media as lame and outdated and banal. Which leaves women looking for real men wondering where on God’s green earth all the good guys have gotten off to.

The last complaint is one that is not personal but ethical and it is that now that feminism has infiltrated most people’s thought processes whether consciously or subconsciously (and even my own have had to been purged occasionally of the tripe that has trickled in despite my best efforts) ¬†and that women are now getting promotions, advancement, degrees, raises and other perks just for being women. ¬†Because the theoretical male entitlement issues have been replaced by actual female entitlement issues that are also applicable to minorities. ¬†Where men are not receiving they positions they are better qualified for because the company wants to look good by having women on staff despite the fact that they may have hired a female to be a mechanic who couldn’t tell you the difference between a crescent wrench and a monkey wrench!

And one final personal pet peeve of mine to all the people who shout feminism means equality. ¬†First off, why don’t you just call yourself an egalitarian then, and second, why the war on men if it’s just a movement for equality. ¬†Equality means everyone is equal (not necessarily the same) it means were I to marry in the future I, as a happy and satisfied housewife would be equal with my businessman husband. ¬†It also means that in that same scenario I, as a mother and wife who tends the house am equal with my money-making female counterparts who decided to pursue lucrative careers.

 

 

 

The Secret to Winning a Woman’s Heart

So gents, this is the grand moment you’ve been waiting for ever since you had your first playground crush. ¬†The world changing secret to winning the heart of a woman and the key is *cue drumroll* … SPEND TIME WITH HER! Get to know her as a person. ¬†Listen to what she has to say and remember at least a little bit of it. ¬†DO NOT blow her off because you’re too busy checking her out. ¬†Nothing will shut down your chances with an actual lady quicker than ignoring who we are for what we look like. ¬†And nothing will raise your chances of finding a way into our hearts better than spending time with us and getting to know us as people. ¬†Spontaneous “wanna go to the park” things are something I’m personally a sucker for, but get to know the girl you’ve got your eye on and it really isn’t that hard to figure out what she’d like whether it’s a hike or a cup of coffee at a trendy coffeehouse.

It’s seriously not that hard.

And if you find yourself stuck in the “friendzone” ask yourself a couple questions.

  1. ¬†Have I given this enough time? You can’t plead the “friendzone card” after only knowing a girl for six weeks, if stuck is somewhere you feel with the person after six months, that’s a little more acceptable. ¬†Some girls don’t open up as quickly as others or figure out just how we feel like other girls. ¬†One size does not fit all.
  2. Can I be satisfied with just friendship with this girl? ¬†(if you think you’re just going to miserably pine every time you see her and your feelings will ruin the friendship the answer is no. ¬†And you should probably try to distance yourself.

Bear in mind no one is obliged to return your affections, whether genuine or shallow. ¬†And to add to that, that does not mean that girls don’t understand rejection. ¬†Trust me, we do, we still think about the time that the boy we liked in middle school (I could name him) rejected our feelings and refused to talk to us on the playground afterwords. ¬†So keep previous damage in mind. ¬†And further, we are not all heartless bitches who delight in breaking boys’ hearts, maybe some, but not all of us, so try not to judge us by the standard of those that came before, or worse, those that your friends have had to deal with. ¬†(Believe me, if I judged men by the example of those my friends dated, I wouldn’t speak to boys to save my life!)

So basically, invest in a girl and get to know her. ¬†Evaluate how friendzoned is friendzone. ¬†And don’t judge a girl on previous experiences or the experiences of your friends.

Happy Wooing!

Pride and Purity

I grew up in a Christian home, and was taught that sex was something that was to be saved until united with a spouse under God’s covenant of marriage. ¬†Which is absolutely right. ¬†But there is something a little wrong that seeps in with the talks about saving yourself for the love God has intended for you. ¬†What seeps in is that Purity is something to be done for it’s own sake. ¬†It turns virgins into mythical unicorn-esque beasts made of magic and rainbows just because we can keep a lid on our sexual urges. ¬†It makes us seem better than those who didn’t make it to the marriage bed virgins. ¬†Which is wrong.

You see, the myth that creeps in with the truth that sex is something to only be done in the confines of Holy Wedlock, is that that’s what makes purity special, you have this magical gift to bestow on your spouse on your wedding night. ¬†Which is not only a little inaccurate, considering as physically the first time is prone to be both painful and reportedly awkward. ¬†We miss the real point in purity, which isn’t proving to the world we have a handle on our hormones, but rather proving to our spouse that we were loyal to them before we knew them. ¬†Our restraint in our single days is an example and proof that we can resist temptation out of our love for the one we wed, so when temptations and struggles come after the wedding, we’ve been prepared for this, for we persevered in fidelity even before we ever met the one we married.

Fidelity is the true purpose in purity. ¬†It’s not bragging rights, a better-than-you air, or our pride, or a present to our spouse. ¬†I mean it is a present, it’s the present of love saying, hey, I loved you before I knew you, loved you enough to fend off my biological clock and the butterflies I got with people who I thought might be the one before I met you. ¬†Saving yourself for marriage is saying I loved you enough to ignore the peer pressure, to mocked and called a prude because I have been devoted to you all of my life.

And fun fact for my fellow virgins, just because we’re saving ourselves doesn’t mean God’s given us a guarantee that our spouse will have done the same. ¬†We’ve all sinned. ¬†But when we deify virginity to some magical status it leads to serious superiority issues (been there, done that, probably have the t-shirt somewhere saying I’m A Virgin so I’m Better than You). ¬†Let me shout this to all the people in the back JUST BECAUSE YOU WAITED TIL MARRIAGE DOESN’T MAKE YOU A MAGICAL SPOTLESS UNICORN OF RADIANT PURITY! Did you ever lust in that whole time while you waited for the one to come along and lead you to the altar?… Point made. But when virgins get put up on pedestals, exalted by our brothers and sisters in Christ or just people in general who think we’re pretty awesome for keeping a lid on the hormones and ignoring the peer pressure, we get to thinking that our virginity makes us superior. Which in turn could lead us to think more highly of ourselves than we ought, and our arrogance could make us stumble. ¬†Think about it, we could be sitting up on our purity pedestal and see someone who could be the guy or gal God has destined for us, but by being blinded by our pride go, “nope, they’re not in the virgin club, can’t continue/start a relationship with them”. ¬†Like any virtue, if we get to thinking that we accomplished that virtue on our own, and don’t remain humble, pride can come in and blind us to other things of equal importance. ¬†Because we have all sinned, and we all need God’s guidance, we’ve all fallen. ¬†Some struggle with lust, some struggle with pride, some with fear and some with doubt. ¬†But to let our one area of sin where we “innocent” lead us to view ourselves as above our brothers and sisters in Christ who have fallen in that same area, it puts a barrier between us ministering to them as we should. ¬†And as for the marrying non-virgins thing, when we give mystical qualities to our virginity then we also leave the door open for the person we marry, who if the stumbled in that area, feeling inferior to us, which isn’t true at all, “For ye are all the children of God by faith in Christ Jesus. ¬†For as many of you have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ. ¬†There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female” and there is nowhere in the Bible that says virgins get a special place in the Kingdom. ¬†Your virginity does not make you better than any of your brothers or sisters in Christ.

And PSA to my fellow sojourners in singleness, and those in dating situations questioning whether purity is worth the struggle. ¬†It is. ¬†Our purpose in life is to show love, Christ’s love specifically, a selfless love that binds itself to God’s will for our lives. ¬†God willed that intimacy only occur amongst those joined in marriage. ¬†But more than that, imagine how loved your spouse is going to feel because you’ve kept yourself for them, that your loyalty is that strong, that your fidelity is that steadfast. ¬†Do it for them, not for the praise or the pride in knowing that you’ve succeeded where so many fail, save your body for the one God planned you to give it to. ¬†It’s His will, and as His children we know that all of his plans are perfect. ¬†So whether you’re meant to be an example of loyalty to God’s will and inspire others with your single life sticking to purity, or whether you’re to raise up a family in God’s paths and can relate to them when they come to you with their struggles with staying true to God’s will when the world and their own hormones are crying out for them to turn their back on God’s perfect plans you will know that you followed your good Father’s will for your life in that area at least. ¬†And we must try to be as diligent about aligning all the other parts of our life with God’s Holy and perfect will for our lives as we are about our purity.